I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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