im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
