You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
do nipples grow back?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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