yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
