I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
