Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
