at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
