I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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