Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
