My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
