Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
