Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
