you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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