He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
