over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
