Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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