Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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