My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the day after is always just damage control
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
