Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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