dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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