She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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