somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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