so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
