He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I am morally bankrupt
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
