I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
