I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
