so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
