I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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