Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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