Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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