apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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