She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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