I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?