We named our party play list daddy issues
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!