he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"