i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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