smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
