I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
