Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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