we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
