What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
