Got a toothbrush?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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