I wish I only lived at night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
