You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
