Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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