is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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