She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How's work?
Spinning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
