My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
