My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Less talking, more tequila
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
