were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he just fucked me for my cheese..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
