So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
