I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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