the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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