Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
