Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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