Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
