I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
