My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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