One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
why is half of my head shaved?
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