I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
