i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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