Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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