3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
