So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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