sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
