My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My balls are so social today.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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