I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
