Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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